Now, Back to the Story…. That First “Coming Down”

           After my first extended TDU residual effect, Paul, Mitch, Yuri and I set out to investigate why I experienced the feeling of a 100-fold worsening of my vestibular dysfunction symptoms.  We couldn’t move on until all safety considerations were investigated.  This took a long time…

            We knew that, 1) a 20 minute session on the TDU extended the residual to an hour or more, but still didn’t know how it did this; and 2) that first “coming down” induced a significant physical and psychological reaction.  It induced a remembrance and comparison of what my life was before. 

           That comparison to the life before I got sick, to the reality of my life after, brought with it a huge increase, or perhaps awareness, of how badly the symptoms affected me, everywhere. 

For over an hour I experienced a return to and embracement of my original silent self that only existed in my longing for its silence to return.  With that visit cut short, the noisy place grabbed me back with a fury unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before.  No wonder I was scared!  I certainly didn’t want my symptoms to become worse, it was already as bad as I thought it could get!  

Think of it this way; you’re in a room where everyone is smoking, cigarettes, cigars, anything that can be lit up.  You’re choking from the smoke, you’re eyes are watering, you can’t breathe, and your only wish is to get out.  Then, hidden in the smoky haze, you find a door; you open it and discover a beautiful clear day, blue sky as far as the eye can see.  There is a gentle breeze swirling around you bringing with it the scents of sweet blooms, fresh cut grass, freshly baked bread, and a promise of a new day.  You explode with joy as you dance your way through the beauty of being set free from the choking haze that was holding you captive.  You find your way to a sunlit stream of water flowing over well worn stones of days gone by.  You put your feet into the stream and feel its cool and refreshing touch.  Birds sing, and leaves rustle in the breeze; you feel free and connected to a place of genuine goodness.

Then – someone opens the same door you found, from it smoke billows fiercely.  They grab you and say, “hey, you don’t belong here – get your butt back in the place you came from, no goodness for you”…

Choke, gasp, cry, fear, why, why, why…  That’s how it felt that first “coming down”…

          Scary Guy!

This entry was posted in Biomedical Research, Clinical Research, Disability, Disability Noise, Discovery, Gentamicin, Independent Living, Inspiration, Motivation, Non Fiction, Oscillopsia, Ototoxicity, paying attention, Perception, Rehabilitation, Research, Self Help, Sensory Substitution, Tongue Display Unit, Vestibular System and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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