Oh my God, what did we do!!!
That first 20 minute trial astonished all of us. It was a day I will
never forget! I wanted to use the TDU every single day. I wanted my brain to
change; I wanted to change my brain! Yet again, another wait settled in. There
was work to be done; setting up a customized lab, design a protocol for testing on
others, pull in more funding, and gather everything we needed to move forward. I
fell into a wishing massive anticipation for the day I would be back in the lab for
more 20 minute miracles. The wait was torture!
I shared my excitement of the 20 minute result with my family, they
were so excited for me. But SFB (the guy I was seeing and mentioned earlier)
maintained his aloof attitude about the struggles I was having and even with my
exciting news he was without any supportive or excited reaction. I believe his idea
of reaction was that attention should be on him. Whoops, I digress… but hey, it’s
Then the day after the TDU 20 minute discovery took a turn, I fell into
a physical and emotional mess. The turn shook me into a state of shock that scared
the hell out of me. Everything about my lack of balance was amplified; everything
was back to the way it was before I began the research, only worse. I began to
think that the 20 minutes on the TDU turned my brain into mush, that it removed a
piece. My fear was so great that I called Mitch and with tears mixed with words I
described what was going on. Mitch, in his gentle way, calmed me down.
Together we talked it through and established that I wasn’t any worse but rather I
was experiencing a comparison. We discussed how the 20 minute discovery
caused my brain and body to experience a huge positive difference in my abilities
increasing my sense of relief much deeper than the results I achieved with the 10
minute trials. Mitch and I figured out that my return to how I was before the trails
jettisoned me to a perceived amplified state of regression. Still, it took quite a
while for Mitch to convince me even though we talked through; I was going to be
okay, that I would adjust to what I was feeling and not to worry.
Mitch was right. I did adjust and my fear of a setback did lighten up,
after all I had plenty of practice with the way I was before the research. Mitch
promised me when everything was in place the trials would resume and I would be
back to the lab using the 20 minute approach frequently and investigate the effects
it had on the residual. Perhaps we might even produce a consistent residual result
that would grow, that the TDU would make my brain change itself and
re-wire the damaged me, or, was it me that was changing my brain?