Something’s Different…

            After discovering such a dramatic difference in how my vision and balance cooperated I removed the helmet.  When I could finally find words, I turned to Mitch and whispered, “Mitch, something’s differentI don’t know what’s happened but something is definitely different.”  Mitch, the gentlemen from Israel, and Paul all looked at me in research anticipation of what it was I was experiencing.  It wasn’t just a reconnection to my sense of balance going on, but you could see in my face and my whole body, a major difference in how it looked.  Instead of a weighted down, tired, concentrated and almost plastic like expression, my face lit up, lifted up in expressive joyful brightness.  My body was fully relaxed and beautifully fluid.  It was as if the “weight of the world” was lifted from me, in many ways, it was.

            Still reeling from what the 20 minutes discovered in me, I began to cry, I could not help it, I was overwhelmed with a feeling of relief after so many years of ability and emotion smashed and floundered.  It was like breaking out of chains that bound me to a world of separation to one of pure and direct connection.  It was a magnificent feeling of pure connection of my self with my surroundings.  I became part of everything around me again; I was re-connected to my space in this world.  I felt completely cured.  How does one process that?  How does one express that relief, that joy, that elation?  I simply started running around, moving without thinking about it, noticing things around me in awe of its importance, I wanted to do everything all at once.  I wanted, and did, jump for joy!

            The most impacting feeling I had was that of silence.  The silence of a physical, emotional, psychological, and even cellular peace once interrupted, now restored.  It was so impacting that I believe it was that which held me without words.  I hadn’t felt that silence in over six years and I simply didn’t want to interrupt it.  I wanted to stay with it forever, let it permeate my every cell.  I wanted it to never go away.  The silence removed the heaviness of the world I was carrying on my shoulders and for the first time I felt free, light as a feather, true as a tree.  I could feel the difference throughout my body.  I felt re-aligned, re-set, and reborn.  In many ways, I believe that this was the first time in my whole life I felt such silence, such peace, and a connection to my very inner self that I found beautifully pure. 

            Needless to say the lab took on a major scientific excitement!  Everyone began speaking at once.  A lot of noise… however, in spite of the noise that captured them, I was embraced by such liberation that I paid no attention to their noise.  There were a lot of questions, a lot of “let’s see what she can do”, a lot of paying attention to me with a goal in mind.  I was Subject Zero and under the microscope of attention.  But for me, I was in a place where attention was simply without a goal but rather direct, in the moment, and what I came to realize later, without filters.  And that’s how I wanted to spend this time of discovery.

            I found Paul, we danced.  I could not stay still; I walked briskly throughout the lab and office.  I went outside and was overwhelmed with the magnificence of its energy.  Instead of a stooped over, eyes on the ground stiff stance and walk, I stood tall and firm and placed my gaze upward to a sky of a color blue I’d never noticed before.  Colors exploded with vitality as I found myself surrounded in an environment of vividness I’ve never seen before.  It was simply stunning. 

            I was so energized by relief of the changes I was experiencing that I felt I could run from Middleton, Wisconsin to Maine, and back armed with a lobster dinner.   

            How did this happen?  We didn’t know, no one knew.  We could only speculate that somehow the “brain was being re-wired”.   All I could speculate is, it sure felt good and frankly, I didn’t really care why, I just wanted this beautiful silence to last and last, and last – forever.

Olbrich Gardens 145

This entry was posted in Beginnings, Biomedical Research, Clinical Research, Disability, Disability Noise, Discovery, Gentamicin, Inspiration, Motivation, Non Fiction, Oscillopsia, Ototoxicity, paying attention, Perception, Rehabilitation, Research, Self Help, Sensory Substitution, Tongue Display Unit, Transition, Vestibular System and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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